The Pursuit of Happiness

From time to time, A Life Unexpected will bring you guest blog entries. Today’s entry was written by my lovely and talented wife, who offers a unique perspective as the spouse of an unemployed person. Often times, the spouse is overlooked, but it’s important to remember that unemployment affects everyone. During my unemployment, she has handled a difficult situation nearly flawlessly. She has been an incredible source of inspiration. I encourage everyone to show your support and leave her a comment or even email us at:

alifeunexpected.jtm@gmail.com

Enjoy!

A Guest Blog by Trish aka Hungry Dog Heaven

It was 2007 when my husband finished his PhD. For years we had been patient, understanding that after all of the long hours of schooling and scraping-by on my non-profit salary, we would reap the rewards of stability…space...security.

Also for years, my own job with a national organization had been subject to the perils of a struggling economy. I had been working without any support staff since December 2006. In March 2009, in an effort to reduce organizational overhead costs, I agreed to close our New Jersey office and moved operations to our tiny beach bungalow by the bay.

I took conference calls in my pajamas. I did laundry while writing grant proposals. I snuggled with our dogs while creating training curricula and started dinner in-between sending and receiving emails. There were some perks, for sure.

Then the economy really started to take a turn and the state funding for my husband’s post-doctoral fellowship was not renewed. Then…he was unemployed.

This was last August.

Since then, working from home has taken on a different feel as I take conference calls locked in my bedroom, praying my colleagues on the other end don’t hear my son in the background. I repeatedly fight my mama-urge to throw open the door and swoop-in with healing smooches and comforting cuddles when I hear him crying. My bed does double-duty as a desk on days when it is too hot to work in my make-shift office in the attic.

There are days where I crave the peace and structure of an office – to remember what “normal” life was like. Life before this life - this life of uncertainty and fear and chaos and doubt.

But…there are other days. Days where I take a lunch break with my son at his kiddie-sized table. I read him books about ocean animals as he eats alphabet-shaped tater-tots. I run out to get a glass of water and am able to steal a quick kiss from my two favorite guys. I can hear them outside playing – throwing balls, laughing, squealing….living!

Maybe this is the life we’re supposed to live. A life with little means, but full of heart. Maybe we don’t need a bigger house. Maybe we can make things work. Often, I think…I don’t want this to end.

When my husband returns to work, our house will be quiet again. Our son will return to school. I will be able to take conference calls with ease and we will be on-track – working towards that life for which we had been longing. We will be back into the routine of the working-world. The world where we see our colleagues more than we see each other, where our son sees his teachers more than he sees us and we rush-around trying to squeeze the most into our limited time together.

I think, perhaps, I’m on the brink of a perspective shift. Why do we need a bigger house if, in order to afford it, we have to work so hard we’re rarely there to enjoy it? Why can’t we take this experience and turn it upside down? Why can’t we say that this time, this time of economic uncertainty, was the time that changed our life for the better? We can do that, right? When life hands you lemons…

It’s challenging – reconciling dreams lost and being bold enough to carve new dreams out of current realities. The fear of failure is palpable. The stress of uncertainty is oppressive. But, the reality is that the dreams we had when we were in our twenties do not have to be the dreams we work to fulfill in our thirties and beyond. They are our dreams – to be achieved, dismissed, dismantled and reassembled as we please.

My dream is for us to be happy. To laugh loudly without apology. To embrace the joy in the little things – the wind in our hair, the sun on our face, the smell of the seasons. Life gives us the ability to be happy!

I’m shifting perspectives in pursuit of this happiness and the thing is, I think we’re there. We just need to be brave enough to hold onto it.